"There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza..."

That was always a favourite song of mine growing up. I never wanted to believe I was Henry.

A far as I can tell life and time for that matter is cyclical. No matter how hard I try to make my life a progression from A to B, I always find myself back at frigg'n A! I think that I'm original, that what I'm doing is new and adventurous, even if it's only in relation to my own life, I am able to boldly move forward... but I'm not so sure that's how life works.

The easiest cycle to track for me is my hair. It sounds so silly and superficial. People always comment on my 'new look' but at this point, I'm just recycling the same 4 looks. These are a few examples of the same cuts, and colours I've mix and matched over the last 8 years. After my current red stint, I'll probably go back to a dusty blonde, then platinum, and then red again, for something different...

The same thing seems to happen with my life goals, my stance on health and dieting, my music preferences... So many circles that never go anywhere, but back to the same places they've always been.

Let me get to the point of this rant and the cycle that is bugging me the most. BOYS. Damn, I can not seem to move on from the same dumb choices I always make. My life seems to include the same boys over and over again. I'm not talking about liking the same kind of guy over and over again. I mean my life is full of the same 4 boys. Just like my hair, I'm afraid to go beyond the comfort of what I know. Obviously what I know is crap because it didn't work the first time, or second time, or any of the following times. Okay maybe I'm over simplifying it. Sure, anyone who knows me, knows I can fall for pretty much anyone, for literally any reason. And yes, I have added several to the roster over the years, but it's still the same damn roster! And no matter how many times I think, yeah this is a great idea, I should totally revisit all those failures from my past, maybe they have changed, and are everything I want and more. Can I really be surprised that none of them have? I obviously haven't if I'm still thinking about the same type of guys I did when I was 14.

I've heard it said that the reason we go through things again is because we didn't get it right the first time; life still has a major lesson for us to learn, and we were too dumb to pick it up the first time. Once we learn the lesson, we don't have to go through those experiences again. I must be a pretty slow learner. I'm just not getting it. But maybe it isn't about learning and never facing it again. What is the point of learning something if we never have to use it again? I like to think that I have picked up some knowledge along the way, that I have grown, and now as I go through the cycle again I can make better choices. I hope that's true. I hope I'm not forever doomed to make the same mistakes.