Land of the Rising Sun

Kinkaku-ji (Golden Pavilion), Kyoto

I feel bad, I've left it almost a month to blog about my trip to Japan. To everyone who has asked... IT WAS AMAZING. The whole trip was incredible. I'm not going to bother with a play by play but here are a few of my highlights.

Japan is beautiful! The culture is incredible and so interesting. We spent the whole time with a tour group, which is a great way to learn about the country and the history. I was jazzed to be able to see in life things that I had only seen in movies and on the internet. The Japanese are so proud of their history and it really shows.

     Traditional Japanese housing at 

         Sankei-en Park, Yokohama

I used to live in Japan. I loved my time spent there and would move back in a heart beat. It is a safe and clean country where people actually respect one another. My family is notoriously loud. In fact we are obnoxious. I know, I am the worst offender in my family, when we reminisce about family road trips, I am the common denominator who gets anyone around me in trouble. It was so much more obvious when we were in a country where no body speaks on the subway. Now being at home, I have noticed just how noisy Sydney Trains are, and I don't like it. The other day someone was playing RnB music so loudly I could hear it a whole car away.

Great Buddha, Kamakura

DEER! They were everywhere! Just chilling of the side of the road, at temples, at national landmarks... And they are not afraid of humans, or cars. Obviously they have never seen Bambi.
The food is amazing. Never going to be an understatement. I realised when I got home, that I didn't have sushi once in Japan. And I love me some sushi. It just goes to show that there is so much good food that a week is not long enough to enjoy it all. We were told to keep paper away from the deer as they tend to eat it, including passports.  

We were told to keep paper away
from the deer as they tend to eat it,
 apparently they even eat passports.
Dad chose not to listen.

The most exciting thing for me was getting to speak Japanese again. It feels like it has been forever, but it came back to me the more I got to speak. I had fun showing off to my family my mad skills with Japanese... they couldn't tell just how much I made up. I was having a conversation with a taxi man, laughing and having fun, then my sister asked me to translate. I just looked at her and shook my head saying;

"I have no idea what is going on right now." 

Honestly this was a trip of a lifetime. I can not believe I got to go back to Japan and share a part of my life with my parents and my sister. I am already planning my next trip. For anyone considering going, I promise I will work on my language.

Enjoying our Japanese robes, these are in all the rooms.

Why I no longer call myself Mormon.

I received a message today from a friend who cared about me. As a former LDS (Latter-Day Saint or Mormon) I am fully aware that today, members of the LDS Church are gathering to watch the words of Church leaders broadcast to the world. Having attended countless such meetings, I know that my friend was inspired by the words he heard to reach out to me. I also know this means there was a talk about helping people who have lost their way. I am flattered to know that this friend thought of me, and chose to contact me. Let me start of by saying, I know he did so as an act of love. Let me also say, it didn't come across that way.

I understand a lot about the teachings of the LDS Church. I was raised in the Church since I was born. I eagerly attended Sunday meetings for most of my life. My family constantly  spoke about God, religion, and the world. When I was old enough to attend Seminary (four years of morning scripture classes) I was ecstatic. I was always the first to answer a question at church, and I was never ashamed to talk about the teachings of the LDS Church with the people around me. My greatest ambition in life was to serve an LDS mission, and I started attending preparation classes four years before I was old enough to go. My family has a rich heritage in the church, with patriarchs, bishops, and stake presidents. My father was the bishop of our local congregation when I left to serve a mission. I asked special permission to go through the Temple early so that I could visit the Temple with my family more often. I worked tirelessly on my mission to become the best missionary I could be. I worked so hard that it nearly killed me, and yet I tried not to complain. The saddest moment of my life was the day my mission ended. I struggled for years because of my health, and yet I kept holding onto the prayers that had been said for me. Of course everything would turn out right. But those sad feelings never left.

I was treated as a second rate citizen in a church that promoted love and community. Every time I went to church I was reminded about my failures. People would say one thing, but then do another. My life was in ruins and I only had my relationship with God to get me through it. I prayed, I begged for my God to show me love, to help me through, and I only found anger and loneliness. I couldn't talk to anyone around me, and it seemed as though God had abandoned me.

I continued to search for answers. I read the Bible in the hopes of finding some kind of peace. What I found would lead me further away from the LDS Church. I couldn't marry the church established by Jesus Christ, with the churches in the world around me. They all had become blinded by the wrong pursuits and had forgotten that life, is about love. That is why I stopped attending the LDS Church.

I was finally able to let go of all the things that were causing me pain. The days after I consciously chose to be responsible for my own thoughts were the happiest I had ever experienced. They still are. I can not honestly say that I was happier when I was a member of the LDS Church.

Most people in the Church, assume that when someone leaves the church that it is the work of Satan. You would only leave the Church because you want to sin. That is not the reason I left. I left because I was in pain and the only way to not feel it anymore was to leave. It was the hardest decision of my life. I knew that I would be giving up everything, and not least of all, I would hurt my family. I lost all of my friends because they could no longer see me as a person, but as someone that needed to hear the good news. People would always ask my parents, "what can we do to help Marley come back to church?". I love my parents, and they are some of the only people who didn't treat me differently. They continuously told people to be my friend, and to forget about getting me back to church. Sadly, this is nearly impossible for people to do.

My friendships before now, rarely involved discussions about the truthfulness of the LDS Church. I had friends who loved me because of our shared love of music, or books, people would ask me about my day with no agenda. Now I can see their brains trying to find a way to change our conversations to something Church related. I take hits from people who claim to love me, as they try to help me find my way back to church. They constantly ask me questions like "have you prayed?", like I have completely forgotten the lessons taught to me since childhood. Of course I have prayed. My life was in turmoil, I threw myself into prayer, trying to find answers. I'm sorry that I found answers that you can't accept. I am living my life the best way I can, and I defend your right to do the same.

I am forced to lie to the people I love, because I love them. I know that if I honestly shared my thoughts, it would hurt our relationship, and maybe their faith. I don't want to do that. I only want to love the people around me. From my experience, most people seem to think that love means making other people think like you. It doesn't. Love means accepting people, and loving them for all that they are. You may think that you are here to be an example, but by judging those around you, what kind of an example do you think you are setting? I would prefer to maintain my relationships rather than force my opinions on another. It is not fair that just because you think you are right, you can treat other people like they are stupid.

Why do you think you have the right to force your opinion onto someone else. What gives you the moral superiority to think that you are the only person who could possibly be right. Please if you honestly love me, or someone who is going through a similar experience, don't look for ways to fix my life. I happen to think my life is going pretty damn well. If you can't be happy for the decisions I have made, or am making, then you mustn't love me.

"But vanity, not love, has been my folly..."

I had the worst epiphany of my life this week...

I AM ELIZABETH BENNETT

I know most girls love imagining themselves as the heroine of Jane Austen's classic, and I may be betraying my sex in saying this, I do not enjoy Pride and Prejudice, and now I'm living it!

I keep making the mistake of judging a book by its cover. This keeps happening;

I go to a new place and watch the people around me (to be honest I love watching people)

And... I make rash judgements;

"Err that person said they are an actor but they just said that their favourite movie is the new Mad Max movie... they obviously know nothing about cinema."

"Wow she is dressed so preppy, she will never talk to me."

"Oh my goodness everything that person just said hurts my brain and makes me angry!"

I go home and talk to my parents and others, (basically anyone who will listen);

"Seriously, that person is the worst!"

The next day;

"So remember that person I was talking about yesterday, the one who I hated and was all like we will never be friends... yeah... so I am now going to name my first child after them, they are the coolest!"

I should learn, I am not an excellent judge of character. In my life so far I have trusted someone only to have them utterly destroy my faith in humanity. The people I think I will be friends with, in the end don't want to be friends with me, and yet people I swear never to give a chance to, end up being those I care most for and make life so much richer.

Any one who has talked with me about literature, knows my loathing for Jane Austen, it comes second only to my hatred of cats. My epiphany; I am both of those things.

Only 9 more sleeps!

My trip to Tokyo is suddenly right around the corner, I am so ready, but then again, I'm not. I'm right in the middle of my semester at university, with assignments all due really soon. My last blog was about preparing a packing list and honestly it's something that you just gotta have. I know I am living a pretty easy lifestyle; as much as I complain about my degree, it does give me a fair bit of downtime. If I worked full-time, or had children, I'm sure I would be far more stressed about planning for my trip. I am so glad I got started on my Packing List months ago so that now all that is left to is edit and physically pack!

I thought for this blog I'd share my packing list with you, enjoy?

Documents

passport

insurance

wallet

Wearing 

grey pants

black top

black and grey jumper

leather jacket

scarf

sneakers

(I like to write down what I'm wearing on the plane so that I know what I'm taking but doesn't need to be packed. A good travel outfit should be comfortable, neat, and include layers. It should also comprise of your bulkiest items. I like to make sure my shoes are easy to slip on and off for comfort during the flight, but also for convenience when you want to get up to use the bathroom.)

Inflight

bed socks

ipod

medications

emergency kit*

book

eye mask

headphones

iphone 

tissues

snacks

*this is a small bag I usually keep in my handbag. It has single doses of medication, bandaids, hand sanitiser, hand cream, lip balm, hair ties, nail file, asthma puffer etc.

(packing your smaller carry-on item is an art in itself. I only include the things I know I will want access to during the flight.)

Clothing

jeans

tops x3 (grey long sleeve, blue long sleeve, white top) 

beige cardigan

rain jacket

pyjamas x2

tights

socks x4

delicates x4 & x2 (black, beige)

black flats

swimmers

(I know I'm not taking a lot of clothing, but in all honesty I wear the same thing almost every day even when I have access to my full wardrobe. Everything I'm taking is in the same colour tones and all are mix and matchable to give me plenty of outfit options. I only take a few delicates because it is so easy to wash them on the road verses taking up more room in my bag. I only have 1 spare pair of shoes, but as it is I live in my sneakers and I'll take a pair that I can wear at night time)

Makeup

highlighter

eyeliner

mascara

blush

(I'm not a huge make up person when it comes to every day. This is all that I usually use, but I will be using a red lip balm instead of my usual blush cake to save taking my blush brush and to save my blush cracking in transit.)

Toiletries

face wash

comb

head band

cotton face pads 

ear buds

toothbrush

moisturiser

perfume

deodorant

(I have divided my toiletries into solids and liquids below to help for packing later regarding the airline limitations of liquids in hand luggage. Last year I switched to using Lush products and they offer a great range of solid alternatives to liquid hair and face products. You may notice my list doesn't include shampoo and conditioner or soap, I will be relying on a combination of my mother's and the stuff I can find in our hotel rooms.)

Liquids

toothpaste

toner

eye cream

detangler

makeup remover

(Remember to keep it as basic as possible by using small bottles filled with just enough of your liquid products as you will need for your trip. This keeps it under the airline restrictions, and keeps your bag from getting too heavy.)

Entertainment

laptop

chargers

camera

Misc.

sunglasses

glasses

Photos of my pre-pack (not included are what I will be wearing on the plane, but other than that I will be living for 10 days with only what's pictured here)

I have yet to make my final edit before my final pack next week, but I hope that gives you a general idea of how little you actually need to take with you when you travel.

Preparing a Packing List

Any one who knows me will know I have a slight soft spot towards holiday packing. Okay that might be a slight understatement. I LOVE IT. I love reading blogs about it, and preparing packing lists specific to my upcoming trips (I have two in the works at the moment), and shopping around for new travel supplies... basically I'm addicted. I figured it was probably time to dedicate a blog to my addiction.

Steps for preparing a customised packing list

1. My first step is defining the details of the trip. My trip will be 10 days, 2 long 8+hour flight, frequent intra-country travel (bus rides, train rides, and short flights), it will be mid autumn, I will be travelling with my parents and my sister, and we will have access to laundry services for the duration of the trip.

2. Define your packing style. This is an important one. I personally am of the opinion of carry-on only, no matter the length of the trip. I don't think everyone needs to do this, but I will let you know that it makes travelling so much easier. Japan is notorious for it's grasp of living compact. The hotel rooms are smaller, and so are the cars, even the shopping trolleys are tiny. Packing light and efficiently is essential for this kind of trip.
I have also recently switched over to a backpack. For this kind of trip, travelling with a backpack makes sense. When I lived in Japan, I quickly realised how inconvenient it was to drag suitcases around town, up and down staircases, and on and off trains.
In the case of packing for your own trip, these are things you should consider when defining a packing style.

3. Write out a list of what you think you might need. Don't worry about making it perfect yet. Just jot your thoughts down. I like to start writing lists 2 months out, but that's cause I'm crazy like that. A few weeks is all a normal functioning non-anxiety ridden person would probably need.

4. Editing your list. This is when I look around on some of my favourite packing blogs. Sometimes other people will have advice that you might not have even considered. My go-tos are;
Her Packing List (Great site for females who are serious about pared down packing, they also provide great trip specific tips, and reviews on many different travel products)
Travel Fashion Girl (Really fun visual site for clothes list)
I'm sorry, I don't know about packing blogs for men, mostly because I'm not a man, but I'm sure they are out there, if you find one let me know.

5. Have a practice pack. About two weeks before you go, do a ghost pack. Lay everything out on your bed with your bag next to it all. Put together what you think you will need. You may find you have too much or not enough and need to re-edit your list. This pre-pack also gives you time to go out and shop for any specific items you may need for your trip.

6. No more than a week out, check the local weather. As we all know weathermen are not the best at their jobs, but they do help when packing in case of contingencies. There may be a hurricane  predicted, or an early spring. I like to check the weather up until the day I leave, because weather can change at the drop of a hat, and you never want to be caught out wearing sandals in snow storm.

7. DON'T FORGET: Medications, and other things that are specific to your daily life and how to keep it functioning. Just because you are leaving home and trying to do it minimal, doesn't mean you have to completely go without. Little things like forgetting your slippers or your favourite tea that helps calm you down at night can make or break a holiday.

8. Remember to have fun. You're going on a holiday! It shouldn't be a stressful thing. Enjoy it.

Listen up ye who call yourselves men.

I had the chance to attend a ball this past week. It was one of the many obligations of studying law. Now while the whole night was certainly not a drag, I feel it my my moral obligation to share something with the world, the male of the species in particular.

When courting a woman, there are things you should do, and others that you should very definitely avoid. I spent the night watching my friend get hit on and honestly I wish I could have pulled the guy aside and given him a few pointers. So however belated this conversation may be here it is...

1. My first rule straight up has to be; cool it with the alcohol. I know it may shock you, but women are actually intelligent now days. If you want to converse with us, you will need your wits about you. You may be well endowed in the mental department, but I promise you, you are going to want to hang on to some of those smarts when talking to a lady. I know, you think you need a little liquid courage, but please keep it to a minimum. We women aren't all that scary, we LOVE talking, so please feel confident in the promise that we will talk to you.

2. Don't Brag. You may be best friends with the Sultan, you may have played a super rich people's game of croquet, and then flown your own jet to get to this party, you may be James Bond, but surprise us, let us find out these things on our own. Every chick flick has a woman fall in love with a man, and then we find out just how much of a catch he really is. There is so much more to you than the stats on the back of your rookie card. Be impressive, but try a little humility.

3. "But what should I talk about?" ASK QUESTIONS. I told you, women love talking. We talk even when there is no one there listening to us. We can carry a conversation by ourselves. I often break out into monologue. I think most women like to feel listened to, appreciated, and understood. Don't worry if you don't think you can do any of these things. If you ask us a few questions and let us go, we will assume you are doing all of these things.

4. This is something I watched this guy do extremely well; acknowledge her friends, at the end of the night they may be your biggest advocates. Women will always hold council after a night out, and it will be the friends who decide who is worthy. I had drinks poured for me without even asking. I was part of the conversation. Not a big part mind you, but enough that I didn't feel like he had stolen my friend.

All in all he didn't do too bad but a few generals that never fail;

5. Confidence, well a comfortable confidence, be careful not to be too braggie remember.

6. Don't stick around for too long, go and work the room for a little bit, then come back and pick things back up. It will make a girl think you couldn't keep your mind off her. She will think she is the most interesting person in the room.

7. Know when you have lost. Girls will fidget mindlessly, start looking the other way, and her responses will get shorter and shorter. All of these are signs to get out of there, and quick.

"There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza..."

That was always a favourite song of mine growing up. I never wanted to believe I was Henry.

A far as I can tell life and time for that matter is cyclical. No matter how hard I try to make my life a progression from A to B, I always find myself back at frigg'n A! I think that I'm original, that what I'm doing is new and adventurous, even if it's only in relation to my own life, I am able to boldly move forward... but I'm not so sure that's how life works.

The easiest cycle to track for me is my hair. It sounds so silly and superficial. People always comment on my 'new look' but at this point, I'm just recycling the same 4 looks. These are a few examples of the same cuts, and colours I've mix and matched over the last 8 years. After my current red stint, I'll probably go back to a dusty blonde, then platinum, and then red again, for something different...

The same thing seems to happen with my life goals, my stance on health and dieting, my music preferences... So many circles that never go anywhere, but back to the same places they've always been.

Let me get to the point of this rant and the cycle that is bugging me the most. BOYS. Damn, I can not seem to move on from the same dumb choices I always make. My life seems to include the same boys over and over again. I'm not talking about liking the same kind of guy over and over again. I mean my life is full of the same 4 boys. Just like my hair, I'm afraid to go beyond the comfort of what I know. Obviously what I know is crap because it didn't work the first time, or second time, or any of the following times. Okay maybe I'm over simplifying it. Sure, anyone who knows me, knows I can fall for pretty much anyone, for literally any reason. And yes, I have added several to the roster over the years, but it's still the same damn roster! And no matter how many times I think, yeah this is a great idea, I should totally revisit all those failures from my past, maybe they have changed, and are everything I want and more. Can I really be surprised that none of them have? I obviously haven't if I'm still thinking about the same type of guys I did when I was 14.

I've heard it said that the reason we go through things again is because we didn't get it right the first time; life still has a major lesson for us to learn, and we were too dumb to pick it up the first time. Once we learn the lesson, we don't have to go through those experiences again. I must be a pretty slow learner. I'm just not getting it. But maybe it isn't about learning and never facing it again. What is the point of learning something if we never have to use it again? I like to think that I have picked up some knowledge along the way, that I have grown, and now as I go through the cycle again I can make better choices. I hope that's true. I hope I'm not forever doomed to make the same mistakes.