"Let's just keep this between you and me..."

I've been thinking a lot about relationships of late, I blame the copious amount of television I consume, and I've come to some realisations;

I think the most important one is the idea that a secret relationship is never romantic.

I once dated a guy who asked me to keep it on the down low, he didn't want to hurt the feelings of his ex who sadly wasn't over the breakup. He was worried that should she find out about me and unleash a whole can of crazy jealousy my way and he didn't want to see me get hurt. Of course I was so smitten with him that I would have done anything to keep such a sensitive and caring man. So according to Facebook, we never happened.

At first the intrigue of it all was exciting and I honestly didn't think too much about it, that is until lying douche told me about a teensy indiscretion of his. You see that ex of his had been barking up his tree, and well a dog is a dog, he couldn't say no. A year or so later when she finally heard about me she felt horrible and told me all about, saying she had no idea I even existed and if she had she would never have touched him and help him do to me, the exact thing he had done to her.

My next story involves a desperate me, lonely and depressed, looking for someone to fill the void. I'm not proud of this but it happens. I wanted to feel needed and I needed to feel wanted, so I looked for companionship from someone I usually wouldn't. My search was successful... in a manner of speaking. Sadly for this poor boy, I was the one keeping the relationship a secret. I was ashamed of him, and I know that sounds terrible, but it only helps to prove my point.

My third tale involves the two of us choosing to keep the fling a secret. To this day I still avoid mentioning anything about this, and believe this one I would love to brag about. The problem was, we snuck around for two weeks not wanting our families to know because we knew it was never going to go anywhere and we didn't want them getting in our business. It gave us an excuse to never talk about our feelings or what any of it meant.

This may not sound bad and actually a little fun, but trust me if it was good and harmless, then why would I still feel guilty years later. I don't feel guilty because I lowered my standards, I feel guilty because I knew it was a bad idea and I didn't listen to myself. The worst part of it all, when it ended, and I was hurt, I didn't have anyone I could talk to about it.

In short, what I realised is this. Keeping a relationship a secret is horrible. Trust me, there is nothing romantic about this notion. If someone asks you to keep things under wraps, they are either not serious about you, disgusted by you, or trying to tap everything in a skirt.

No good will ever come of it.