Resident Sicko goes to Hospital PART 4 And the winner is... GALLBLADDER!

Finally the waiting paid off! Last Thursday I was put through a gallbladder function test, which although it isn't all that difficult, it does require you to lie still for an hour at a time as they film what your gallbladder does. I'll admit, I fell asleep.

Usually this test (called a HIDA Scan) is two hours long. The first hour involves you just lying there as they use a low level nuclear power machine to watch what the gallbladder does without food to establish a baseline. The next part they give you a magic drink that activates the gallbladder so that the technician can see how it functions (releases bile to break down fats and oils). Luckily for me, I never made it to the second portion of the test, as finally an answer exhibited itself.

My gallbladder is small, abnormally small. Good, one less thing to add to the size of my tummy right? What it actually means is that at some point my gallbladder had a spack attack and died. I believe this happened back when I was in Japan on my mission. I remember being treated for terrible stomach pains, but no tests were ever done and it was assumed to have been Gastritis. Remember that mega cyst I talked about that burst nearly two years ago... well those toxins truly did a number as they got into my blood stream attacking anything and everything they came in contact with.

That means, I've probably been living with an inactive gallbladder for nearly two years, during which it has done nothing but cause pain, and now is causing damage to my liver. Sadly this also means that I need to go back to the hospital tomorrow morning to have it removed.

That said I'm in a pretty good place about it all. I know that the blessing Don gave me last Sunday has given me the strength to trust my doctors and know that they wouldn't do anything unless it was to help make me well again.

Actually, this whole experience has made me reflect back on those blessings I had from the Elders in Obihiro, Japan right before I was sent home. I was blessed that this ailment wouldn't last forever, I would be healed. I have struggled to have faith in that blessing as I haven't been healed yet. I thought it meant that I would be healed so that I could remain on my mission, and when that didn't happen, I got so angry that God wasn't fulfilling His word. Then I got angry at myself for not having the faith to be healed. I got it into my head that I wasn't good enough or worthy enough to receive that miracle. I wonder if that is why I can't get past it emotionally yet...

I know that God loves me. I know He cares about my pain. I also have learnt that He loves me enough to teach me. I may not understand those lessons, and I may not like the timeline, but that doesn't mean that He isn't preparing miracles for me. I am petrified for tomorrow, I really don't like hospitals, but I know my Heavenly Father will take care of me. I will never be left alone, that's not how His love works.